by Vincynthia Daames – A Beautiful Withness Series
My name is Vincynthia and I come from Atlantis in the Western Cape of South Africa. I now live in Manenberg with my five children and husband. Looking back over past memories of what was, I get a glimpse of experiencing a withness that I later in life named uMoya – meaning wind or spirit in Xhosa and Zulu.
I have always had this love for the wind as a child. I remember climbing the tree in my granny’s back yard to the very top to ‘ride the wind.’That was an exhilarating and intoxicating feeling for a seven year old. As life goes, we grow too heavy for the branches right at the top and we put away our childish things, but my love for uMoya never left – I still dance with Her, and listen to the stories She whispers.
The very first tangible encounter with the Spirit was when I was baptised with the spirit of Joy. I was depressed, with a new born and totally jaded by life. Because of a traumatic experience during my pregnancy, the world just felt even more unsafe and my trust in people went to zero. I was ready to give up on life, and I partially did already. I had already tried to take my life along with the baby I was carrying… An altar call was made at an evangelistic event and I went for prayer, as the Evangelist touched my head, I was caught up into a bright white space and the presence was with me all around me and caressed me like a soft breeze all over. I felt the heavy constriction around my heart lift. When I came to, I found myself laughing and rolling on the floor in tears. I was restored and had enough to go on again. The Spirit came to meet me where I was at.
Later in life I found myself a single mother of two, working a demanding job, doing it all by myself. My boys were two and four. I did my best to give them the best, but things became too much and eventually I crashed. I broke down on my bathroom floor one day after work and sobbed uncontrollably, with a spine numbing headache. My four year old called my friend and I was rushed to the hospital. Turns out I didn’t have meningitis as they suspected, but had had a mental breakdown. Meds were thrown at me and I could function again, even though I felt like a zombie.
During the hard times it is hard to see beyond your experience of life at that very moment, but a withness is the lingering on, always present presence that I can bear witness to.
Fast forward to 2021, married with four kids now and pregnant. The pregnancy triggered Post Natal Depression again and I was not coping. My body betrayed me as I was bedridden and in pain due to a bad case of sciatica and a spasm causing my one hip to be out of place since my last pregnancy in 2020. During a work weekend away, frustrated and in pain, I tapped out of the meeting and went to lie down. Just as I closed my eyes, two of my friends who were on the trip came in like two warriors. “We will not stand for this,” they said and whipped out some lavender oil to anoint and pray for me. I had no faith for healing to be honest, but I availed myself and they prayed faithfully. I felt a relief in my back as they were gentle pulling on my feet and I realised the two year spasm had gone. My one hip that was protruding out of alignment, causing my one leg to be 3cm shorter than the other went back into place and my legs were the same length again. It happened so gently that I was in disbelief. I tried it every which way. I walked up and down the corridor, bent forwards and side to side. No pain. I went outside and ran onto the grass patch in the rain crying and praising. I could move again. The relief from pain was so tangible, so surreal that I could not utter any words besides tears of thanksgiving.
Not long after the healing another affliction came to my body. I had developed a DVT (deep vein thrombosis) / blood clots in my upper right leg that went through my lungs and heart, so I was hospitalised for the remainder of my pregnancy and another three weeks after delivery.
The first few weeks of being in and out of hospital I was doing well. I motivated others who were feeling down trodden and I was the bright spark for my fellow bed mates. I kept myself busy on my hospital bed with arts and crafts taking it as a respite from the day-to-day hustle, but I missed home. The weekends then turned into a six week long stretch hooked to an IV and my cup ran empty.
One evening while I was silently praying for another miracle, Moya reminded me that sometimes the miracle is just living. I could’ve easily died with the blood clot that went through my heart and lungs, yet there I was, living another day. I made peace with death there and then. Not in a dark I’d-rather-be-dead kind of way, but in a way that whether I live or die, either way I am at peace at the outcome and know that Moya is with me through it both ways.
I lived to tell the tale and wish I could say that things miraculously fell into place after that – it did not let up.
Today I sit with PTSD, Major Depression, Post Natal Depression and Bipolar Disorder. I had to leave my job as I could not do it properly anymore. I had severe panic attacks that have thankfully gone and I can still struggle to connect emotionally with my children. But even as I am sitting here typing and pouring out the woes of my life, I can truthfully say that through all of this Moya and I are as close as we’ve ever been and Her withness is what is seeing me through the hard days. The wind I cannot see but know beyond a reason or a doubt that She is there.
Vincynthia Daames is a colourful creative that loves creating out of all things. She especially likes to do Upcycling out of old throw aways. She is a mom of five, married to Leon, living in Manenberg with the Tree of life community. She enjoys writing as a creative outlet in Afrikaans (pure/suiwer), Kaaps vernacular and English.
Connect with Vincynthia here: [email protected]
